Amusing classroom moments

I'm going to try to list some of my more amusing classroom moments here. I have a terrible memory, so I think that many of my best moments have been lost forever, but let's see what I can come up with.

A story written by one of my smartest/most advanced students. A first grader.
Assignment: Write a story about 5 baby ducks.
There were 5 baby ducks. A giant octopus monster came and ate them. They swam in the octopus monster's stomach. Then the octopus monster hiccuped and they came back out.

A conversation with one of my 4 Jump High boys.
Kenny: Teacher, I have a question.
Me: Yes?
Kenny: If the America people are the white people, are we the orange people?
Me:.....

Then I forced them to listen to me ramble on about how there are many races in the world, and it's best not to call them by their colors, but by their names. They are Asians, we are Westerners. Doubt it sunk in though.

Another conversation with my 4 Jump High boys.
John: Teacher, two kids fucked in church.
Me: John! Don't say that. That's very bad to say. You don't know what that means.
John: Teacher, I know what that means.... wait. (He pulls out his electronic dictionary).... Teacher, that means sex.
Me:.................................um... Ok, let's open our book to page 35.....

Another conversation with my 4 Jump High boys:
Kenny: I have a question for you teacher.
Me: Yes, Kenny?
Kenny: What does dead duck mean?
Me: It means... a dead duck...?
Billy: No, teacher! It's a bad word, what does it mean???
Me: No... pretty sure it just means dead duck.
John: Yes, you know what it means, what does it mean teacher, please tell us!
Me: I swear to you guys, it means dead duck.
Kenny: Teacher, you have a mission tonight. You need to ask all the teachers what dead duck means.
Me: Ok Kenny, I'll ask all the teachers what dead duck means.
(bell rings and we go to the hallway)
Me: Hey! Will! The boys have a question for you.
Will: What?
Boys: Teacher, what is dead duck?
Will: It's a dead duck.
Kenny: (To me) Teacher, ask all the other teachers, ok?
Me: Ok Kenny, I'll ask all the other teachers.
(Next day)
Billy: Teacher! Did you complete your mission?
Me: Yup. It means dead duck.

Another Conversation with my 4 Jump High boys:
Kenny: Teacher! You're an asshole!
Me: Kenny doesn't like stickers. (I erase one sticker)
Kenny: Aww, teacher! Why are you so unfair to me?

A conversation with my 3+4 grade Reach Out class:
Me: Teacher is so beautiful.
Michaella: Teacher is princess sick.

Another conversation with my 3+4th grade Reach Out class:
Michaella: Teacher is halmoni
Me: Excuse me!?
Michaella: Teacher is Ajumma
Amy: Teacher know ajumma?
Me: Yes, I know ajumma, and I am not an ajumma! and I am not a halmoni either. Teacher is an agassi!!!
Michaella: No, I think teacher is haraboji.

A conversation with my 4 + 5 grade Reach Out class.
Jin Sun, Hee Won and Hwa Youl: (talking in class in Korean) Blah blah blah Korean words blah blah
Me: Excuse me? What was that?
Jin Sun, Hee Won and Hwa Youl: (Exchange guilty looks)
Jin Sun: I say that teacher is... very beautiful.
Me: I know I am. :-D